Did your parents or grandparents ever say the same thing to you over and over and over….? Oh my gosh, it got so old. It may have gotten so old that you even vowed not to do that to your children when you became a dad.
So why did they do stuff like that? Was it just that it was all they knew or something? It seemed that way but when you become a parent, you see through the eye’s of your own parent and as if by magical powers, their own words that you hated to hear, come right out of your own mouth. Sooner or later, depending on your willpower, it will eventually happen. And when it does, you can either curse yourself or laugh and learn from it.
I was talking to a new dad the other day and I relayed to him that just as in school, repetition is the key to learning. So it is okay to engrave your words into your children’s minds. Is it really necessary though? For some kids who have trouble retaining things, absolutely yes. For others, absolutely yes. Get as much good in their heads as early as possible. It is true that mysterious aliens attempt to come into your house when each of your kids are between 12 and 14 to suck the common sense portion of their brains out until they are at least 25.
What I am getting at is that it is a myth that we should stop teaching our kids (and ourselves, for that matter) stuff that we already know. Their minds get rusty if not oiled frequently with great wisdom. Their intellect gets stale. Publc school teachers admit that the first 3 months of each school year are used to just catch the kids up to speed on what they are already supposed to know.
Do not let weeks go by without teaching your kids something. Make it a conscious effort. You do not have to publicize it. It can be your personal agenda that only you and your wife know about. Set out to teach a valuable lesson on purpose and let them see it come from you. In turn, they will do the same for their kids when they get older. And tell the story of when you taught them.
Legacy is a good thing, guys. Leave one for them that they are proud of. If only for them, it is good enough.
Sometimes, days happen where you lose your self control. Pride gets in the way and you end up wondering if you deserve to be a dad. Today, unfortunately, was one of those days.
But this is actually where humility steps in. When you crash and burn. When you see how much of a rearend you can be. Your job is to suck it up and man up to your mistake, especially if it is towards your wife and/or kids.
Why is it when we as men screw up concerning our family, it is so hard to own up to our mistakes? Pride rears its ugly head again. Pride is good when expressing that a job is well done…not when your own attitude actually causes your child to lose it.
The “giant” stands before me and says “What are you gonna do then?” Decision time…I retreat to my room, compose myself and man up to my child that I can apologize for my unreasonable attitude. I pray that he does not act this way to his kids, but if he does I want him to see how to humble himself.
We stand on giant’s shoulders, so that we may become one.
My wife went to a parents support group meeting tonight as an observer for one of her college courses and her major. She told me of the parents who were having trouble with their kids and that some of the kids showed up as well to work on their problems too. As she was telling me about this, I wondered why my mom never went to any of these types of meetings or were there any when I was growing up.
The incredible humility that it took the members of each family to seek out help and the kids that were considered the problem, realizing that for their family to survive, they needed to show up too.
You know, really, once a kid gets a certain age, you cannot really make them do anything. Consider this: I have a 12 year old son that out weighs me by 20 pounds. If I say to do the dishes and he says “I don’t want to”, I can’t physically pick him up and move him to the sink and make him move his arms. If I beat his butt to a pulp, I would be tired and the dishes would still not be done.
It is important as a man to be able to humble yourself and think ahead like a chess match. It is not the same circumstance for every family but consider your humility before handing out consequences. Take a minute and think before you act. It’s ok. The world will not end as you know it. Just make your decision well and stick with it. If you make a mistake, admit it and correct it. It just means that you are human. But your kids will see you as superhuman for your humility.
Who knows…your wife might too.
I do not think that it would be fair to just describe myself, but more of the reason for the blog. NoblemanStands is my way of learning, encouraging and developing the brand of being a man. Many men in this country (USA) have been raised by their mothers when their fathers chose to be absent. If the father was not there because of work, divorce, death, war, etc., the void left in a young man heart is hard to fill and masculinity can be distorted because of that absence. It can be filled with television, sports, sex, music, drugs and even violence. But nothing can fill the hole like the masculine influence of a good father.
Qualities that I attribute to masculinity are bold, brave, courageous, gallant, honor, powerful, resolute, robust, stout-hearted, and vigorous. It is level-headed and does not hold grudges. It is mature but able to play games with children. It is able to lead but willing to follow. It can say no when necessary but says yes when appropriate. It seeks to improve self and encourage others but stands against irresponsible behavior. It seeks knowledge and wisdom while discouraging ignorance. It gives without selfishness and takes only when it is just.
Me? In short, I am a happily married father of 3 adopted boys who was raised by his mother from the age of 6. The void that was left by the absence of my father has been hard to replace, but I have found the heart of a father through much struggle and pain. My hope is that my posts can help other men to find their true father’s heart.
My ol’ trusty laptop, trackball, chat headphones and reading glasses.
When I was 12 years old, a 7th grader, I wanted to run for class vice president. I was not popular, just ordinary but optimistic. I had collected all of my petitions with plenty of signatures to enable me to run. My “best friend”, who I felt was much more popular than me, came to me and said that he was going to run also…for vice president. I was crushed that he would do this. My mother came to me that same evening and said something that has influenced the rest of my life. She said, “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You love me unconditionally like no one ever has. Those kids do not understand what they are missing. If any one of them chooses not to get to know you better, it is their loss, not yours”. I let my friend run…and he lost. But that day I knew that I did not need to be popular to be happy.
That influence has been passed down to my kids and engrained into them. It is truly one of the most memorable influential moments of my life.