6 views to change for a more fulfilling life

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This post was actually inspired by another that I felt was quite shallow.  It claimed that we need less attachments to have peace but it actually went a little too far (in my opinion) by suggesting that we should have more of a “sweep responsibility under the rug” mentality.  Of course, if you sweep too many things under the rug, a hump develops that will cause people to trip.

 

I prefer a more straight-forward approach that is meeting your issues head-on.  These are 6 areas that I believe will lead to a much fuller life; one with meaning and purpose.

 

Seeking Others’ Approval
This is somewhat true and somewhat false.  To be able to get things done in your own life, there needs to be some approval by others.  Living your life to please others is different…because it is impossible to please everyone.  But I guarantee you, if you want to ever have a happy marriage or decent career, you need to find the happy medium.  If you are so selfish and so rich that you believe that this doesn’t apply to you, have a happy empty life and stop reading this post.

 

Social Media
For the most part, social media is something that you can control.  If you do not want to see the embarrassing pictures from when you got drunk at the party last weekend, stop doing stupid shit like that and they won’t have anything to take a picture of.  And if you are using any branch of social media as your main means of communication, you need help.  Try Skype (That’s a joke).

 

Posterity

“Live in the moment” is commonly heard these days.  While there are @theTimSpencegreat reasons to experience great moments, if that is what you live for, your life will be empty and you may die that way.  Better said may be to live as if it were your last day alive and care for your posterity, not so much your posterior.

 

Previous Relationships
Rather than toss your exes out on their arses like dirty laundry when you have had enough of them, maybe you should look introspectively and figure out why you end up with short term relationships, abusive people, etc.  Examine your own choices rather than tossing them in the dirty laundry bin.  Keep it up and sooner or later, the dirty laundry will have to be dealt with.

 

The Fallacy of Indecision
Indecision has played itself off as a procrastination or longer choice for making a decision.  Here is the truth.  Indecision is a decision.  It is Plan C when you only had Plan A or B.  Make a conscious decision to make a decision (even if it is the wrong one) or alleviate the phrase “I don’t know” from your daily vocabulary.

 

Dwelling on the Past
The only thing you can change about the past is how you look at it.  There are always, I repeat, ALWAYS something positive that can come from any negative event in our life.  For examples, please refer to the Not So Typical Thanksgiving List.  It really does depend on how you look at it.  I have seen people give thanks for some of the most horrific events because it led them to a new understanding of their own purpose in life. There is much healing in this.

 

While these are just short bits of wisdom that have been learned through much trial and error, each of them can be expounded upon greatly.  Of course, you don’t have to agree with all of them.  You can choose to find out for yourself…and make your own mistakes to learn from.  I prefer to attempt to “stand on the shoulders of giants” whenever I can.
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Isaiah 32:8

“But the noble man make noble plans, and by noble deeds he stands.”

This verse has meant so much to me for many years.  I have kept it in my heart daily and remembered its sobering words.  Having been self-employed in the past, I chose it as the name for the business each time.  Noble man.  Besides being taught John 3:16 as a small child, the verse about the noble man has taken stage as a guide for my life.

But I saw a different translation this morning that challenged me.  It said, “But a good leader plans to do good, and those good things make him a good leader.”  Still the statement about planning, which is another post in itself, is important but it actually states that the good leader plans good things and the good plans make him a good leader.  If those deeds were money, that would mean that every good financial plan you make, would in turn make you richer.  If it were friends, then every good friend you make would make you a better friend.  Every lesson you teach, makes you a better teacher.  It is so simple and yet we look for something different occasionally when we should stay the course…to become better at what we do.

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It is apparently one of the “gifts that keep on giving”…one that when used, does not go without a reward.  And being the noble man can stand on its own.  It not only gives your family confidence, it gives you confidence in return.  Because of my upbringing, standing up to lead has been a challenge.  Having this scripture as a guiding motto, has given me confidence over many years.  One of my favorite creative minds, Seth Godin, wrote “Leaders have nothing in common, except the decision to lead”.

 

Glimmer – Part 1

Have you ever had one of those moments where you caught a glimmer of that feeling “This is what I am called to do” and it was gone before you could grasp it. You felt a “flow” and it felt good. Well it is frustrating and satisfying at the same time, but a simple rule to follow and a little preparation can help you to get back into that groove.

It applies to a rule that tech support people are taught to single out the source of a problem. When a customer is having an issue with their tech product, support is instructed to ask “What were you doing when the event occurred?” or “What was changed in the time leading up to the event?”. Of course, this is referring to a detrimental event but the same applies to the “A-ha” moment we are talking about. The “flow” will come back but it needs to have the appropriate environment to flourish.

Now this does not just mean that you get in the same place, at the same time and wait for it. There is preparation needed and it may be something that you already do and do not even know it.

1. Part of this is to detail what you were doing and why, possibly by writing it down as a journal.

2. This second part is crucial and takes discipline. Map out your schedule to get to a time of doing those things on a regular basis. If you are not in the habit of following a schedule or method, it can be very difficult.

I have to be vague on the instruction because your “flow” is different than mine but I can give an example that I have experienced.

My last post was concerning direction and over time, I have found that writing out these posts have helped me define much of what I believe and put it into practice. It is a process that cannot be hurried but can die away if not cultivated. That is a subject for another post.

I have a prayer list that I go over every morning. Sometimes, believe it or not, I do not like to do it. Sorry that I am not perfect but, yes, it is true. But I saw something this morning that I had not seen before and would not have if I had not been forcing myself into that habit. My concerns, my prayers, my thoughts were being directed. Did you get that? I actually need to think on that more right now…just being real here. More to come…

Do Over: Humility

Sometimes, days happen where you lose your self control. Pride gets in the way and you end up wondering if you deserve to be a dad. Today, unfortunately, was one of those days.

But this is actually where humility steps in. When you crash and burn. When you see how much of a rearend you can be. Your job is to suck it up and man up to your mistake, especially if it is towards your wife and/or kids.

Why is it when we as men screw up concerning our family, it is so hard to own up to our mistakes? Pride rears its ugly head again. Pride is good when expressing that a job is well done…not when your own attitude actually causes your child to lose it.

The “giant” stands before me and says “What are you gonna do then?” Decision time…I retreat to my room, compose myself and man up to my child that I can apologize for my unreasonable attitude. I pray that he does not act this way to his kids, but if he does I want him to see how to humble himself.

We stand on giant’s shoulders, so that we may become one.

TS