The element of control…why is it there? Everyone likes to be in control. Even when it seems that someone is out of control, the reasoning for their actions is for them to be in control.
Back to the chess game. Stalemate. Why? Because one has refused to move. Reasoning? The game or process is coming to a climax and the result will be evident: Success …or failure. Both of them are painful. The latter means rejection. The former means that the process will be encouraged again and the possibility of rejection will creep up again.
This stagnation is real with many. It is a gap that is hard to fill. The ability to risk rejection and succeed or fail is coveted but seemingly unreachable at times.
So what is the gap? If someone were raised without a father or a child of divorce, the fear is sometimes too real to bear. Taking the step into the unknown is stagnating… paralyzing…debilitating. Whether acceptance or rejection, there will be rejection at some point if the process is allowed to continue. So immobility is the choice.
It is the choice. The act of not choosing is still a choice, and immobility is choosing to fail.
And waiting until there is not any other choice but action? Is what? Still failure or a forced effort?
Many entrepreneurs have talked about some of their best work coming at the time when that effort is forced. Some of their greatest innovation coming to be when they had no other choice. But should someone put themselves in a detrimental situation every time they desire great innovation?
There is a better way; in fact, many better ways but that “effort” can be engineered rather than forced. Therein lies the immobility factor again, though. Some people will plan themselves to the grave.
What makes you feel capable of doing the things you set out to do? Or do you just do it whether you feel capable or not? Many times, when your back is up against the wall, like a wild animal outnumbered by its aggressors, you attack a need. But is that what it takes to get you to act? And once you do, do you feel that it was not done well efficiently?
Wouldn’t it work better if you acted, made mistakes, corrected them in a timely manner and continued until you got finished? “Attacking” the issue with a calculated fervor before it has progressed to the point of expediency?
The problem can be procrastination,…fear, …laziness, …you name it. It is something that is engrained in you and your psyche. To get past it, you need to fight the urge to “not do it”. Like quitting smoking or eating junk or drinking, it is an urge that is just as destructive. If you don’t do it, you are putting yourself at the risk of going into attack mode to get it done.
This is part of posterity thinking, you know. Remeber the chess game? What happens in a chess game when one player decides to wait, stall or just not move? Well, if it is a timed game, that player loses. But if it is not, the game stands still…the other player is at the mercy of the first…who is in control.
So I have been on vacation (as you could probably tell) and have not posted for a few days. I have been working on some other projects and spending time with my family. This post has been in the incubator for a couple of weeks and brewing during that time. I am scolding myself in much of it but many of my posts are aimed at myself and you get the brunt of it as well. Welcome back…it’s therapy time.
I have heard that when analyzing problems, when you get to the 5th “why”, you are probably at the source rather than the symptoms. Sometimes, habits that are holding us back are sourced by something totally different and deeper. Just like putting a bandaid on cancer…
Have you ever been driving down the road, having an OK to great day, cruising at a safe speed, listening to the radio…and then, out of the corner of your eye, you get this:
What is the first thing out of your mouth? “What?!?” “Idiot!!!” “Where does he get the right to…!!” Maybe worse.
Well, congratulations! Your mind has just been controlled. You went from mellow to blood pressure issues in a few seconds and it was your choice. Yes, it was your choice to be controlled and you chose to allow your emotions to go in that direction.
Now, we can think about what you could have done. Something a little more “controlled”. Just like we talked about a couple of days ago, certain things make the “true you” come out.
Examine this power. Not the power that you gave to that guy who pulled up next to you and yelled, but the power in you. It is you who has the power here.
The power is forgiveness and the way you read about it here, may not be what you are expecting.
When exploring your own heart, digging around for nuggets, soul-searching…what are you finding? Are you finding things that make you sad, angry, beaten? Forgiveness is a power that you have…not only to forgive those who wronged you. You have the power to let go and forgive those who have inadvertently made your life take an unintended direction…and they actually did nothing against you. Maybe I need to rephrase that. You forgiving in this way is about straightening up your life, not theirs. It could have been anyone from your father to some guy on TV…It could even be God.
God needs no forgiveness from you for Himself…
but you may need to forgive Him…for you.
Back to that guy in the car (although we might need to meditate on some of the previous words for a while).
He does not need you to say “Oh, you poor soul. I forgive you”. Truth is, that guy could have been you and you probably would not be interested in forgiveness at that time. But you need the act of forgiveness coming out of you.
This is a gap that many fathers forget because they have not learned to deal with it themselves. This is a power that when wielded properly, can lay spiritual and physical enemies to waste quickly. One that empowers you.
A different power.
It is hard to face discouragement. When faced with rejection, boredom or failure, your true nature actually shows itself. Are you moving forward, seeking to move forward or discouraged because “things aren’t happening”?
Everyone loves success. Things are riding high and emotions are up but what about when things are down. How do you handle failure? Do you get discouraged?
Think about this: what would it take for you to switch your thinking around and respond with excitement every time you fail?
What happens when we fail?
Do we learn?
Think of Thomas Edison and the invention of the light bulb. Thousands of failed experiments occurred until he hit it right.
Why? Because with every failure, he knew he was getting closer to the purpose he had set for himself to accomplish. And yet sometimes, we have 1 or 2 failures and lose interest.
Why? Re-examine your purpose and your commitment to it. Either rededicate yourself to it with a renewed vengeance or redirect.